daily ramblings.

I ran across the street today to stop by the Freihofer's bakery outlet. I wandered for a minute, grabbed a few things off the shelves and went to check out. The cashier started ringing my items up and she suddenly looked up at me with a smirk and asked if I was wearing "jingle bells". I looked at her confused and she quickly explained, "Oh, it must have been that I heard your earrings jingling and thought you were wearing bells."

What I think she failed to notice was that her earrings were jingling 10x louder than mine were.

Strange.

I managed to get through my first day back to work. I only suffered through a few painful conversations relating to last week's events. It seems callous for me to relay what happened to my baby without shedding a tear. Perhaps it is that I am in more of a professional role, or maybe its just that I have cried too much to let on during work hours. Regardless, I managed to get through it and that was the aim.

My new blog is not my attempt to share constantly of what happened last week, but Rick encouraged me to have a new spot to share what has happened and what is going to happen in my life. And currently, the only thing that runs through my head over and over again are the things that happened the past three months. They have marked Rick and me permanently - we had a baby for three months; we were parents for three months.

At times it seems like it was just a dream, and other times the pain is too real to pass as purely mental. But, even more so, the love I felt for her was too real. It wasn't something that could be made up or pretended.

I used to sing to her, "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world..." And now I sing it to myself... to reassure myself.