just stuff. life. really.

It's a new year. I keep chewing on that and yet New Year's Eve feels like a few years ago already. Time is a funny thing.

Rick left Christmas day for two weeks to attend a Dog Training School in North Carolina (to be a dog trainer, not specifically to train Brahms). Between this trip and training for a new job that is done in Syracuse, he will be gone for six weeks with a quick, short week after the first initial week away. In time for Christmas, but barely here for Christmas.

I feel as though I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I have begun the arduous journey of getting my tax information together and for those of you who might be self-employed, you know that, unfortunately, that doesn't mean you have a W-2 form and a few receipts. Ha. Right now, I actually wish I wasn't self-employed. But, I always wish that come January.

But, it has been a good year. We bought a beautiful home - which you all probably know. But, I appreciate it more and more. It's been lonely as of late, but that actually doesn't mean I get to accept every invitation that someone extends. I still have dishes in the sink, a bathroom that DESPERATELY needs to be cleaned, clients that need to be satisfied, laundry... and a dog. And, much to my dismay and sadness, my thoughts and emotions are being used up primarily on a frustratingly confusing application for my business permit here in Madrid. To which I am now being called to appear before the Madrid Planning Board. Oh, I know. It's all in God's Hands - and believe me, after this year I certainly know it's not in mine - so the outcome will be what it may, but it takes lots of preparing for. Including 2 1/2 hours of looking through 1,000's of call logs on AT&T today. Aahhh. The joys.

view from my front porch this morning

My New Year's Eve was spent at my in-laws eating dessert pizza complete with Brie, apples, cinnamon, and pecans. Yum, if I do say so myself. ;) My mother- and sister-in-law played games with me and watched TV until 11:30 (which is when both my MIL and I fell asleep). Something woke my MIL up at 12:02 and she shouted, "Happy New Year!" and we promptly went to sleep in our beds.

me and Motsy on New Year's Eve. Doesn't he look happy?

Things that stink about Rick being gone: I don't have a laptop and am confined to using a desktop. I tried lighting a fire in the fireplace TWICE and it was an Epic Fail. Mozart is desperately bored and thank goodness for him, his friend, Bailey, down the street enjoys his company and fortunately for me, so does Bailey's owner! I find that I sleep more on the couch than in my own bed - largely in part because Mozart tore up another of his bed's and he finds towels very uncomfortable. (can anyone say SPOILED?)

Mozart definitely misses his buddy.

The thing I feel the best about my January 1st is not the resolution to exercise more, or even to read my bible more - but I am mostly impressed that this weekend God lifted some serious depression and sadness off of me. Yeah, yeah, I am still having moments of fighting that and choosing Joy, but something in my heart just "snapped". No, seriously - snapped is the correct word. I'm at church and suddenly realized how easy it is to justify our sadness. Like somehow, we are the exception to the rule. NOT. In God's perfect plan, Adam and Eve had NOTHING to be sad about: they had everything. In God's perfect plan, Adam and Eve didn't want for anything. Huh. Then why would I maintain that state in my heart if it's not His perfect plan? Nope. I'm not gonna.

And the coolest thing is that I went home and wrote Rick this long, long email (which he probably cringed a little bit at when he opened it) and then was talking with a friend about it a little while later and it became so cemented in my heart. I'm done being sad. So, Monday night I go to the CFC prayer meeting and someone came over and said, "I have a word for you: God says, 'It's over.' That depression you have been under is done... and you are going to have Joy."

The last few months had become painfully too similar to a season I went through in 2005. No, I didn't recede to the small attic bedroom at my parents. No, I didn't withdraw from every form of socialization that I could avoid, but it was there. In my heart. And it hurt and it was dark and almost smothering. But, it's over. It's a new "day" - with it's new challenges, of course, but a new day nonetheless.

Happy New Year to you all.